a weekend off

I love when the schedule does not allow for gambling, but I know that isn't long lasting.  Here we are just hours from the family leaving and he is back at it.  $80 in about half hour. I just want to scream.  Why do I have to be the monitor of the money.  I feel like making identical withdraws every day he does this.  Does he feel the anxiety or is it just me.  I asked him this morning to not go and to keep in mind we need to pay the mortgage.  I guess the selfishness is too much.  I watched hs father this weekend ruining a nice weekend due to his alcohol addiction and think to myself what did I expect that maybe that he could overcome what his father did to him. I guess the apple did not fall to far away from that tree.

$20,800 - imagine what that could buy!  imagine being out of debt,  I can't because my hard earned money is going to the pockets of those who own those poker machines.  What do you say when your husband comes home excited he won $200.00 when you know that is a drop in the bucket of what has and will be gambled away.  And then to find out two days later the money he said he would deposit is not and another $80.00 is gone.  I sit here feeling alone as I can't tell anyone...... Can't talk to him because it makes him gamble more, can't not say anything because it makes him think it is okay all the while my anxiety level is nearly at a heart attack level.  I start this blog as means to get it out of me and maybe come to, I don't know come to what.  What do I want?