I give up

It has been one of the weeks that I am to blame for everything that goes wrong. I can't always be it. I am tired.the egg shells hurt sometimes too.

Finally seeking help

Yes, he took me up on going to a counselor.  I hope it helps.  I feel like dancing on the moon!

Falling

I am falling or maybe I should day I am being pushed off a cliff. No control.

The lull....

How long will this last?  He is super depressed but not gambling.  I am enjoying the reprieve, but hate to see him so sad. 

Circles

My life is a circle of good, bad, depression and around and around we go.  I want to put my head in the sand. I am angry and scared all the time and can only escape the anxiety with sleep.

How can I get it to stop

I just don't get it, I don't know how to stop it, I don't know how to help, I only know I am very angry and frustrated!  Again today, not even noon and $120 gambled away.  We have $177 to last a week and a half.  at this rate by tomorrow we will only have $57.

a weekend off

I love when the schedule does not allow for gambling, but I know that isn't long lasting.  Here we are just hours from the family leaving and he is back at it.  $80 in about half hour. I just want to scream.  Why do I have to be the monitor of the money.  I feel like making identical withdraws every day he does this.  Does he feel the anxiety or is it just me.  I asked him this morning to not go and to keep in mind we need to pay the mortgage.  I guess the selfishness is too much.  I watched hs father this weekend ruining a nice weekend due to his alcohol addiction and think to myself what did I expect that maybe that he could overcome what his father did to him. I guess the apple did not fall to far away from that tree.